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I am hungry for wisdom from others about handling midlife challenges, including philosophical reflections, diminishing importance, noticing one’s neck akin to a surrealist painting and a newfound passion for A Place in the Sun. Lately, I discovered Jamie Oliver’s words regarding his fiftieth birthday in an interview: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

At first, I pondered: isn’t this contradictory regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.