Those Words given by A Dad That Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a break - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."